Oooooooooh, a secret!

Now, you may be wondering what this, so called, ‘secret’ is. I’ll tell you. I, unintentionally, got my ex’s friends on my side………whoops!

Haha. Honestly, I didn’t really need to do anything besides be myself, and let my ex be himself. He looked like the bad guy because he was one. I just stood by and didn’t make excuses l for him like I used to. I mean, it also helps because all of his friends finds me attractive, but how is that important?

As I am typing this blog, I am talking to my ex’s old roommate and current friend. He has repeatedly started the conversation, and always seems to compliment me when we talk. Not only this friend, but some of ‘Adam’s’ other friends too. Now, I bet I sound like a complete bitch, but you need to understand, the asshole, that is my ex. You can probably get a better understanding if you read my previous blogs. Then you’ll understand why ‘Adam’s’ friends have decided I’m actually awesome.

Though the weird thing is, I’m starting to like talking to ‘Jake’. I am kinda wishing that something could possibly happen between us. When ‘Adam’ and I were dating (6 months), he never once made me cum. I literally faked orgasms for six months! I am a very sexually frustrated girl. The thing that makes me so mad, is the fact the ‘Adam’ thinks he’s hot shit because he lost his virginity. If only he knew, he would die first before he could find my clitoris! Basically, he didn’t know his shit, probably still doesn’t. Anyways! I kinda want to have sex with ‘Jake’ because I’m sure he actually knows what he’s doing, and he’s actually a nice guy. I could see myself having fun with him for one night, maybe more. I doubt he would try to stop it if I initiated it. Would probably have to wait for a night that ‘Adam’ left for the night, or out of town for that matter.

I can see the way I would do it. We’d obviously both be intoxicated (not because we need alcohol to do the deed, but because that’s what we do when we hangout. We get drunk). I would get him to play pong with me. I would touch him a lot (actually touch him, not the weak ass shit ‘Adam’ was accusing me of last time.) Everytime he looked at me, I would smile, and look him straight in the eyes. I would probably get us alone on the back porch at some point. There, I would make chit-chat, and when the conversation slows, I’ll look him in the eyes again. Slowly, I will lean in, just enough for him to realize what’s happening and kiss him, just a peck. I will look at him again to see his reaction, slightly smile, then lean in again. This time I will actually kiss him. Harder. Passionate. More everything. When he’s getting into it, I’ll giggle slightly, rub his chest, run my fingers through his hair, and whisper in his ear, “Can I sleep in your room tonight? All the guys are taking up the couches. I mean, we can put a pillow or something between us if it makes you uncomfortable after, well you know, after what just happened. ” Knowing ‘Jake’ he’ll say it’s fine. That night, I’ll go into his room, put on my nonexistent pajama bottoms and top and get cozy. At first we’ll sleep apart from each other, but as some time passes I’ll scoot closer. I will rub my body on the side of his, until I can tell he is awake (trust me, I’ll know). Then I will whisper again, “Are you awake?” He will be. “Can you look at me for a second?” Once he looks towards me, I’ll pounce.

I think you get the idea…….use your imagination for the rest.

Yours truly

Bittersweet author

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Important questions to ask when finding a roommate for college!

What is your sleeping schedule like? 
Do you have any food allergies? 
Do you have a mini fridge? (I do)
Are you religious? 
Are you planning to rush?
What kind of music do you listen to?
Do you drink/do drugs?
Are you neat or messy?
Would you consider yourself an outgoing person?
What kinds of things do you like to do when you’re not in school? 
Do you go to sporting events? 
Do you have any pet peeves I should know about?
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? (I don’t judge). If so, will he/she visit often?
How do you feel about dating in general? 
What extracurricular activities do you plan to be in?
How do you feel about space?
Do you already have a preference for what dorm you want to live in?
What is your money situation? 
What are you planning to study? 
Do you have any medical issues I should know about?
What are your political views?
Would you like to ask me anything?

I’m trying to find a roommate for next year when I’m staying in the dorms. I thought I’d share with anyone who is going through,  or will in the future,  some important questions to ask. It’s good to ask, so you don’t end up with someone you don’t agree with. This will help make the perfect choice, so you can have a kick ass freshmen year. I know I plan to!

Yours truly
Bittersweet author

Question for you guys! Help me!

Okay, so there’s this thing called tinder,  And apparently you can meet people. I have just started an account and there are some promising dudes on there. My question to you guys is whether actually going out on a date with the people you meet on tinder is a good idea. I am a young, attractive girl, and I’m always paranoid that something bad will happen to me if I meet new guys like that. But I see everywhere that girls, just like me, go on dates, and all the repercussions are is a bad date. I want to know your guy’s opinion whether I should go on a date or not, and if I do, how should I do it
Tips! Please help a girl out!

Yours truly
Bittersweet author

The OH so WONDERFUL conversation!

If you couldn’t tell, I am using the most sarcasm I have ever used in my life, and if you knew me, that’s a bold statement. Let’s see….what can I say…..it was absolute shit. Not only did I cry, because that’s what happens every time we have those conversations. But I also was blamed for ‘flirty’ because I didn’t outwardly tell the guy I was talking to that I wasn’t interested. I was a Frat party where I didn’t know anyone.  My friends were off doing their own thing, which I didn’t mind, but I was a little bit out of my comfort zone. I’m an adaptable person, so what did I do? I went and starting talking to someone,  a freshman guy named ‘Marcus’. He was actually really nice, and we had a very good conversation until we all left together to go back to the guys place to party. I talked with him at the guys place because he was in the same situation I was in when he came to my rescue at the Frat. I honestly didn’t mean to come off like I was flirting with him, it was a big misunderstanding. ‘Adam’ also said that I was being handsy with his friend ‘Jake’. It wasn’t like I was grabbing his ass or anything,  I was just touching his shoulder or something.  I honestly think ‘Adam’ was more jealous than anything.  I would never be like that around other people if I wasn’t comfortable around them. ‘Jake’ is someone I like and trust as a person, so I don’t think about me touching him as a ‘sexual thing’, but it was definitely taken that way from ‘Adam’. Adam also told me that I threw up in his sink, and then tried to ‘get some’, which is really embarrassing and I apologized for. But he said that I made him feel used. What? I know that I’m not perfect,  but every time we have these conversations, it’s just Adam telling me everything I did wrong. I just feel really awful right now. I don’t like feeling this way, because I am usually a really happy, upbeat person. I tried to be at least, but I definitely don’t feel that way right now. Well, there’s the update for ya. Hope your night went better than mine did.

Yours truly
Bittersweet author

We should definitely have that conversation soon.

Ugh. Individually these words don’t mean anything special. But put them together in that order, and you have one of the scariest sentences known to man. These words are worst than any confession made by a serial killer in a horror film. These words are real, and although they seem like nothing, they’re very deadly.  These are the words ‘Adam’ texted me yesterday.  I’m assuming our conversation is about my drunken attempt at trying to satisfy a need both of us want, but don’t actually try anything until we’re both drunk. Conversations like these are ones I am not good at. I am the worst at telling someone, especially someone I care about a lot, my feelings and why I feel that way. It’s something I’ve always had a problem with, and that I continue to work on everyday.  But,  I’m gonna to talk with him tonight. I’d like to say that I’ll give him a piece of my mind. That I’ll tell him he really hurt me, and that I just want him to realize what he did and apologize. I wish I could tell you that he won’t somehow end up making me feel bad, but I can’t.  I would be lying to you, and I’m here writing this to be honest, brutally honest with myself. And trust me when I say it is very brutal. One of the worst feelings is keeping something inside, when all you want to do is scream it at the top of your lungs. I will try to suck less at talking to him, but we’ll see what happens.  I’ll keep you updated.  Wish me luck!

Yours truly
Bittersweet author

Useless Math Classes.

Like most people, I am going through high school. If you have been here, you know that it is a ‘right of passage’ that sucks ass. I am currently in my math class typing this up on my phone. I am supposed to be doing the equations for the Pythagorean Identities unit. Why? I understand that I am supposed to be an intelligent individual so that I can become a productive member of society, but why do I have to learn this shit? Why don’t they teach us how to do  our taxes, balance a checkbook, keep a budget, how credit cards and interest rates works, literally ANYTHING that we use in our day to day life. How is me knowing useless formulas going to help me grow as a citizen in this country, and prevent the trilions of dollars of debt we’re in from rising? I am not going to be doing anything with mathematics for a career. I can totally understand taking those classes if that’s what you want, but why waste my time and energy teaching me equations I will never use to further my future career. Rant over.

LISTEN

Sometimes, I wish people would just shut the fuck up. My family, my friends, my teachers, everyone just needs to stop talking. Stop telling me what to do, to think, to feel, and just listen to what I have to say. I don’t need my family to say that I need to do better. I just need them to believe in my abilities, and not question my decisions on how to do things. I definitely don’t need my friends making jokes about my problems at home. After they ask why I’m not as happy as my usual self. I really don’t need teachers to say discouraging things to me when I’m feeling my worst. Especially when they are the ones that are supposed to encourage my youthful mind. I wish my family would stop being so fucked up. I wish I didn’t have to feel like I need to hide things from my friends. I wish I could talk to my teachers on a personal level, and not have them laugh in my face as they tell me my problems don’t matter. Just because I’m young, doesn’t mean I haven’t experienced hardship. I may be a teenager, but it doesn’t mean my emotions are irrational. I’m tired of people brushing off my feelings because ‘I’m overreacting’; because they’re not as important as theirs. You don’t know what my life has been like. You have no idea what I think about myself. You have no clue. If people would just listen, really listen; they would understand. Most people just listen for the next time they can talk. They don’t actually care how you feel. So, stop and listen. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll get why people are the way they are.

What is wrong with me?

I wish I knew why I do the stupid things that I do……..like sleeping with my ex boyfriend/ best friend. Oh wait, I do know: alcohol, unresolved feelings, and hormones. Gotta love being a teenager. This guy……let’s call him Adam, is my best friend that I dated for six months, and he inconveniently got me to fall in love with him (never making that mistake again). He was the person I had sex with for the first time, and vice versa. We broke up. We still have feelings for each other. I went and visited him for spring break, so I could party with people on campus. I ended up getting really drunk and slept with him. (this has happened multiple times, but this is when it got real.)  Here’s the best part though, he told me he had sex with someone else, someone that I know. I am such an idiot. Last night, I was visiting, and got really drunk and tried to have sex with him, again. Ugh. He stopped it from happening because he figured that I was too drunk to make that decision, he was right. But I’m pretty sure we still did some stuff, and when I say ‘pretty sure’ I mean I’m sure. I woke up next to him on his bed, and all I had on was my bra with my underwear on the floor. I don’t remember things after a certain point in the night. I think my problem is that I am extremely sexually frustrated. I obviously still have some feelings for him, but I do not want to date him like that ever again. i am still dealing with him being a boyfriend in some ways. I also get really horny (I don’t like using that word) when I’m drinking. I can’t have sex with people when I’m visiting because I stay with Adam, and people know that we dated. I probably would sleep with someone if I could. I think I want to get back at Adam for having sex with someone else. Does that make me a bad person? It just makes me really mad because he can do whatever he wants, but I’m stuck in this little fucking town with no one that I would want to have sex with. One of Adam’s friends thinks I’m a ’10’ and has always found me attractive. Sometimes I see him look at me when he’s drunk, and I can see that he would try to have sex with me if I wasn’t Adam’s Ex. Last night I found myself thinking about that situation. This is what doesn’t make sense, the whole thing about me sleeping with my best friend/ ex boyfriend. Adam has never made me cum. We dated for six months and I never finished when we had sex (oral and fingers too), not once. Me having sex with him now would make a lot more sense if he was awesome in bed, but he’s not. Okay, that’s harsh, but true. I tried really hard this time to not have sex with him. I went back to his house earlier than him, set up a bed downstairs on the couch……..but he convinced me to sleep in the bed with him. Here’s another thing. I didn’t sleep with him the first night, only the last night that I’m visiting. Which means I had the will power to lay in a bed next to him and not do anything the first night, but I couldn’t do that for the second night. huh. Basically, I am FOR SURE not having sex with him again. I’ve actually started to realize what a prick he is because of the way he is handling this situation between us. Don’t let guys step over you! We are gonna talk soon about this thing still happening but not happening at the same time, and when we do I’m going to give him an earful. Just wait. Sorry if this is boring.