A Poem About Being Evil

Evil spelled backwards tells me to live.

Although love is dangerous, impatient, and most of the time unkind.

I find myself lost in it’s endless labyrinth.

Because ignorance is bliss, and I am on cloud nine for the time being.

Seduced by the way love makes me live, and how it sometimes makes me evil.

But they’re the same thing, aren’t they?

 

Apathy, that word is the real evil.

The lack of any feeling, because without our emotions we’d all be robots.

In some ways we are those mechanical demons.

Believing lies of others, but no longer believing in ourselves,

just so we can feel appreciated for a few hours.

And eventually we end up soaking our pillow with salt water.

 

The dreams and fairytales morph into new life.

You start to feel again, and it really fucking hurts.

But you can see reality, in all it’s harsh clearness,

and start to notice the real evil.

It wasn’t you, but it could be if you follow.

Following the yellow brick road to the path of pain and regret.

To use others for you own evil.

 

I never thought about the way someone could hurt me, and not even know.

To stab me repeatedly, and not even leave a wound.

This, my friends, is a warning.

Don’t be dangerous, because most people can’t refuse the temptation of evil.

I believe there are two different evils.

One can make you live, and the other can kill.

Which one will you choose?

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I am the biggest fucking idiot on this planet.

I slept with my best friend’s older brother. I am literally stupid.

Why did I do this? You’re probably wondering….well, alcohol and hormones. FUCK YOU HOROMONES! I usually wouldn’t be this pissed at myself, but I don’t know why I did it, and it could cause some major conflict between my friend and I. God, I really hope she doesn’t find out.

This is how it went down. I went over to her house for Thirsty Thursday (margaritas), and I got pretty drunk. Her older brother kept kinda flirty with me, but I couldn’t tell for sure. I thought he was just messing with me. I helped him clean the kitchen, while my friend fell asleep in her room. After we were done cleaning we sat on the couch and watched some t.v. I’m not exactly sure how it happened, but I was standing in front of him and he started to tickle me. I bent down as a natural reaction to getting away from the tickling, and he pulled me in. Next thing I know, I’m straddling him and we’re making out. We thought someone saw us, so he asked if I want to go into his room. THAT WAS MY OUT! I COULD HAVE STOP ANYTHING ELSE FROM HAPPENING! WHY DIDN’T I DO THAT, YOU ASK! BECAUSE I’M AN IDIOT.

So now, I am praying to the God I don’t believe in that my friend doesn’t find out. Gosh, I really hope she doesn’t fine out. I’m also never sleeping with her brother again. Hope you guys find my mistakes funny, at least someone will be enjoying themselves.

Yours truly
Bittersweet author

Oooooooooh, a secret!

Now, you may be wondering what this, so called, ‘secret’ is. I’ll tell you. I, unintentionally, got my ex’s friends on my side………whoops!

Haha. Honestly, I didn’t really need to do anything besides be myself, and let my ex be himself. He looked like the bad guy because he was one. I just stood by and didn’t make excuses l for him like I used to. I mean, it also helps because all of his friends finds me attractive, but how is that important?

As I am typing this blog, I am talking to my ex’s old roommate and current friend. He has repeatedly started the conversation, and always seems to compliment me when we talk. Not only this friend, but some of ‘Adam’s’ other friends too. Now, I bet I sound like a complete bitch, but you need to understand, the asshole, that is my ex. You can probably get a better understanding if you read my previous blogs. Then you’ll understand why ‘Adam’s’ friends have decided I’m actually awesome.

Though the weird thing is, I’m starting to like talking to ‘Jake’. I am kinda wishing that something could possibly happen between us. When ‘Adam’ and I were dating (6 months), he never once made me cum. I literally faked orgasms for six months! I am a very sexually frustrated girl. The thing that makes me so mad, is the fact the ‘Adam’ thinks he’s hot shit because he lost his virginity. If only he knew, he would die first before he could find my clitoris! Basically, he didn’t know his shit, probably still doesn’t. Anyways! I kinda want to have sex with ‘Jake’ because I’m sure he actually knows what he’s doing, and he’s actually a nice guy. I could see myself having fun with him for one night, maybe more. I doubt he would try to stop it if I initiated it. Would probably have to wait for a night that ‘Adam’ left for the night, or out of town for that matter.

I can see the way I would do it. We’d obviously both be intoxicated (not because we need alcohol to do the deed, but because that’s what we do when we hangout. We get drunk). I would get him to play pong with me. I would touch him a lot (actually touch him, not the weak ass shit ‘Adam’ was accusing me of last time.) Everytime he looked at me, I would smile, and look him straight in the eyes. I would probably get us alone on the back porch at some point. There, I would make chit-chat, and when the conversation slows, I’ll look him in the eyes again. Slowly, I will lean in, just enough for him to realize what’s happening and kiss him, just a peck. I will look at him again to see his reaction, slightly smile, then lean in again. This time I will actually kiss him. Harder. Passionate. More everything. When he’s getting into it, I’ll giggle slightly, rub his chest, run my fingers through his hair, and whisper in his ear, “Can I sleep in your room tonight? All the guys are taking up the couches. I mean, we can put a pillow or something between us if it makes you uncomfortable after, well you know, after what just happened. ” Knowing ‘Jake’ he’ll say it’s fine. That night, I’ll go into his room, put on my nonexistent pajama bottoms and top and get cozy. At first we’ll sleep apart from each other, but as some time passes I’ll scoot closer. I will rub my body on the side of his, until I can tell he is awake (trust me, I’ll know). Then I will whisper again, “Are you awake?” He will be. “Can you look at me for a second?” Once he looks towards me, I’ll pounce.

I think you get the idea…….use your imagination for the rest.

Yours truly

Bittersweet author