Absolute Bullshit

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This picture is a representation of what is wrong with America. It’s the ignorance, the prejudice, the racism, and straight up stupidity that people are not willing to see. This young man killed 9 innocent BLACK people.  I feel the need to clarify that the people he killed were black, because it was a hate crime. It was not about religion (no matter how many white/upper class/male/republicans living in the south tells you it wasn’t. Even though it is very apparent to most people that this crime is one of racism, there are still people saying it wasn’t.  Another thing, this killer was charged with insanity.  WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THAT?! That is white privilege right there. He left the crime scene with no hand cuffs on. He had a judge sympathize with his family more than with the families of the people he killed. He was kept in a separate room during the bail hearing, so his life was not in danger. He didn’t need to watch the families cry, and hug as they talked about their loved ones he killed. WHAT IS WRONG WITH AMERICA? We are reliving an Era we thought had passed. We may have advanced in technology and science, but we can’t see and get passed the obvious prejudice and racism that is shown in this country? It scares me that I, as a teenager girl, can see what’s wrong here, but a lot of people, grown men and woman can’t. These people are then teaching their children their unhealthy views. That you’re superior because of the color of your skin; It’s okay if someone dies, as long as it’s a minority; even though this man killed 9 innocent people for no reason, the real terrorist is one who believes in Allah; it’s okay that the KKK is still an active organization, but it’s nothing you have to worry about because you’re not black. This needs to stop. Now. People need to stop ignoring these problems in our society. We need to stop allowing this REPEATED privilege from bringing justice to those who are hurting innocent people. Stop the bullshit, America. Please. Pretty soon, we’ll all be full of hate. America is the land of the free, but people are still a slave to the injustice that is our country. ‘God bless America? More like, ‘Society bless those who are chosen.’ Because it starts with us, society,  to make change. Fuck, let’s make a change goddammit.

Yours truly

Bittersweet author

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LISTEN

Sometimes, I wish people would just shut the fuck up. My family, my friends, my teachers, everyone just needs to stop talking. Stop telling me what to do, to think, to feel, and just listen to what I have to say. I don’t need my family to say that I need to do better. I just need them to believe in my abilities, and not question my decisions on how to do things. I definitely don’t need my friends making jokes about my problems at home. After they ask why I’m not as happy as my usual self. I really don’t need teachers to say discouraging things to me when I’m feeling my worst. Especially when they are the ones that are supposed to encourage my youthful mind. I wish my family would stop being so fucked up. I wish I didn’t have to feel like I need to hide things from my friends. I wish I could talk to my teachers on a personal level, and not have them laugh in my face as they tell me my problems don’t matter. Just because I’m young, doesn’t mean I haven’t experienced hardship. I may be a teenager, but it doesn’t mean my emotions are irrational. I’m tired of people brushing off my feelings because ‘I’m overreacting’; because they’re not as important as theirs. You don’t know what my life has been like. You have no idea what I think about myself. You have no clue. If people would just listen, really listen; they would understand. Most people just listen for the next time they can talk. They don’t actually care how you feel. So, stop and listen. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll get why people are the way they are.

What is wrong with me?

I wish I knew why I do the stupid things that I do……..like sleeping with my ex boyfriend/ best friend. Oh wait, I do know: alcohol, unresolved feelings, and hormones. Gotta love being a teenager. This guy……let’s call him Adam, is my best friend that I dated for six months, and he inconveniently got me to fall in love with him (never making that mistake again). He was the person I had sex with for the first time, and vice versa. We broke up. We still have feelings for each other. I went and visited him for spring break, so I could party with people on campus. I ended up getting really drunk and slept with him. (this has happened multiple times, but this is when it got real.)  Here’s the best part though, he told me he had sex with someone else, someone that I know. I am such an idiot. Last night, I was visiting, and got really drunk and tried to have sex with him, again. Ugh. He stopped it from happening because he figured that I was too drunk to make that decision, he was right. But I’m pretty sure we still did some stuff, and when I say ‘pretty sure’ I mean I’m sure. I woke up next to him on his bed, and all I had on was my bra with my underwear on the floor. I don’t remember things after a certain point in the night. I think my problem is that I am extremely sexually frustrated. I obviously still have some feelings for him, but I do not want to date him like that ever again. i am still dealing with him being a boyfriend in some ways. I also get really horny (I don’t like using that word) when I’m drinking. I can’t have sex with people when I’m visiting because I stay with Adam, and people know that we dated. I probably would sleep with someone if I could. I think I want to get back at Adam for having sex with someone else. Does that make me a bad person? It just makes me really mad because he can do whatever he wants, but I’m stuck in this little fucking town with no one that I would want to have sex with. One of Adam’s friends thinks I’m a ’10’ and has always found me attractive. Sometimes I see him look at me when he’s drunk, and I can see that he would try to have sex with me if I wasn’t Adam’s Ex. Last night I found myself thinking about that situation. This is what doesn’t make sense, the whole thing about me sleeping with my best friend/ ex boyfriend. Adam has never made me cum. We dated for six months and I never finished when we had sex (oral and fingers too), not once. Me having sex with him now would make a lot more sense if he was awesome in bed, but he’s not. Okay, that’s harsh, but true. I tried really hard this time to not have sex with him. I went back to his house earlier than him, set up a bed downstairs on the couch……..but he convinced me to sleep in the bed with him. Here’s another thing. I didn’t sleep with him the first night, only the last night that I’m visiting. Which means I had the will power to lay in a bed next to him and not do anything the first night, but I couldn’t do that for the second night. huh. Basically, I am FOR SURE not having sex with him again. I’ve actually started to realize what a prick he is because of the way he is handling this situation between us. Don’t let guys step over you! We are gonna talk soon about this thing still happening but not happening at the same time, and when we do I’m going to give him an earful. Just wait. Sorry if this is boring.